By: Nikos
Mixas
Art by: Joshua M. Wilkinson
It’s
the May edition of THE SLUIDGELORD’S 666 PACK REVIEW!
While some of you may be graduating
school or looking for a summer job, the album/demo submissions keep pouring
into THE SLUDGELORD’S inbox for review. If you’re new to this, each and every month
we handpick 6
review submissions and critique them by only using 6 words, then we rate them on a
scale from 1
to 666! Check out our very spring-like rating scale
below:
1
– We’re guessing when you let your mother listen to your band on Mother’s Day,
she cried...
2
– Even with Shinedown, Sevendust and Five Finger Death Punch releasing new material this
month, that still won’t help
your cause.
3
– May is the most average month of the year, it’s not too shabby, nor exactly
great. Congrats on being a May!
4 – Just like the new Candlemass, we’re intrigued. Keep working at it.
5
– Time to start planning those mini-tour dates!
You need to get yourselves out there!
666
– THE SLUDGELORD crowns you with flower helmet encrusted in
emeralds representing fertility and success because that’s the best we can do
for May! Hails!
Caveat: Even though the 666 PACK REVIEW is meant to offer
humorous critique, there are no safe spaces here and your gripes will only make
you sound like a bellyacher. THE SLUDGELORD is a picky listener…and doesn’t care what
you think of his opinions….
1). vAv, “vAv”
(Tel Aviv, Israel) Rating: 3
Textbook doom that plays it safe.
2). Arakk, “Under Søvnen” (Copenhagen, Denmark) Rating: 3
Two songs, too similar, too bad.
3). End of Hope,
“D E M O” (New York City, U.S.A.) Rating: 2
I’m “hoping” this isn’t the “end.”
4). Denim Casket,
“Demo” (Boise, U.S.A.) Rating: 5
Old school grind meets G.G. Allin
5). Titanosaur, “Eat Me”
(Hudson, U.S.A.) Rating: 1
One man band with computer skillz.
6). Montagne, “Spring Birds” (Paris, France) Rating: 4
Post Hardcore is still a thing?
Bonus: Yanari, “Marine Leg Demo” (Buffalo, U.S.A.)
Rating: 4
Solid doomage. Vocals are
missing reverb.
