By:
Nikos Mixas
The
year is halfway over…For some that may be a good thing and for others…say it
ain’t fucking so! As I look at my social
media feed, I notice a shit ton of people are on holiday, or vacation, or
whatever you want to call it. Not this
dude, I’m stuck here in hellish heat until August, so for now, I’ll just try to
entertain you for a hot minute with June’s “666 Pack Review”. THE SLUDGELORD
doesn’t take summers off but for those locked in the garage, busting your chops
and belting out tune after tune, we can help your band get some free promotion
when you email your tunes to us for this monthly column. So, if you’re new to this, each and every
month we handpick 6 review submissions and critique them by only using 6 words,
then we rate them on a scale from 1 to 666! Check
out our vacation themed rating scale below:
1 –
Your vacation needs a vacation from your band
2 –
Getting away to a music school might be the trick. Just sayin…
3 –
This is what we call a weekender.
4 – You haven’t won an all expense paid trip to Fiji
5 –
The perfect vacation for your band would be the summer European metal fest
circuit. Excellent!
666 – THE SLUDGELORD
can’t send you on vakay, but what’s important here is that you earned the
highest score that we give out and these are a rarity.
Caveat: Even though the “666 Pack Review” is meant to offer humorous critique, there are no
safe spaces here and your gripes will only make you sound like a
bellyacher. THE SLUDGELORD is a picky
listener…and doesn’t care what you think of his opinions….
1).
Vovk
“Lair”
(Kiev , Ukraine
90’s
desert rock influences run rampant.
2).
Liquid
Signal “Neuronicae” (Kouts , IN ,
U.S.A.
Somebody
buy this band a tuner!
3).
Et Mors
“Lux
in Morte” (Maryland ,
U.S.A) Rating: 3
Very
rough recording doesn’t do justice.
4).
El Supremo
“Clarity Through Distortion” (Fargo , ND , U.S.A.
Even
the album title is great!
5).
Burial Fog
“Last
to Mourn” (Philadelphia ,
PA , U.S.A.
Funeral
doom genre should be buried…
6).
Hirveä “Tuska Ja Pakokauhu” (Finland ) Rating: 1
Ok,
I’m outta here…fuck this.
