By: Nikos
Mixas
Art by:
Joshua M. Wilkinson
It’s the April edition of THE SLUDGELORD’s 666 PACK REVIEW and because Jesus turned into a
zombie for all intents and purposes, we’re going with an undead rating scale
this month. If you’re new to this, each
and every month we handpick 6 review submissions and critique them by only
using 6
words, then we rate them on a scale from 1 to 666! Check
out this month’s zombified rating scale below:
1 – Worse than a bunch of
zombies eating a handful of Peeps covered in shit.
2 – Zombified rabbits would
consider this excellent music, um…we don’t.
3 – You’re average, kind of like
the movie, “American Zombie.”
4
– You just earned yourself a basket full of fleshy colored jelly beans. Mmmmm…. zombies love flesh…
5 – Helluva lot better than any
of the Rob Zombie or White Zombie
albums in existence, that’s for sure.
666 – THE SLUDGELORD
commends your efforts for thwarting the zombie Jesus with your killer
tunes!
Some of you aren’t paying attention
to this part…take notice! Even though
the 666 PACK
REVIEW is meant to offer humorous critique, there are no safe spaces
here and your gripes will be taken with a grain of salt. THE SLUDGELORD is a
picky listener…and doesn’t care what you think of his opinions….
1). Nervewrecker,
“Murmur” (Norwich, England) Rating: 4
Loud and plodding…Godzilla on downers.
Loud and plodding…Godzilla on downers.
2). Morpholith, “Void Emissions”
(Reykjavík, Iceland) Rating: 666!
Really digging the vocals. Hails Iceland!
3). Mystrionics, “Mystrionics” (Portland, Oregon) Rating: 5
THE SLUDGELORD loves a great curveball!
4). Cries Of Your Sins,
“Cries Of Your Sins” (Czechia) Rating:
5
Single person black metal blistering melodiousness.
5). Godhead Lizard, “Godhead Lizard” (Québec City, Québec) Rating: 3
Raw…real raw, like REAL raw…
Band info: Nervewrecker
|| Morpholith || Mystrionics
|| Cries of Your
Sins || Godhead Lizard
