Tuesday, 27 February 2018

6 NEW BANDS: THE SLUDGELORD's 666 Pack Review (February 2018)

By: Nikos Mixas
Art: Joshua M. Wilkinson

Welcome to THE SLUDGELORD’s February 666 Pack Review! February is known for a couple of things, Valentines and it still being fucking wintery.  Valentines is done so gives a fuck at this point and it’s still cold as shit…but the heaviness is just ramping up at THE SLUDGELORD. Did you know that they have their own record label now???  Check it out you heathens!)!!!  Each and every month we handpick 6 review submissions and critique them by only using 6 words, then we rate them on a scale from 1 to 666

Check out our awesome rating scale below: 

1 – I wouldn’t even let my deaf dog listen to this. 
2 – You know those heart shaped candies?  This one says, meh…
3 – The law of averages says that you’re ending up here this month.  Better luck next time.
4 – It’s fucking freezing but your riffs are melting the polar ice caps.   
5 – Update your bio and start submitting to this summer’s festivals! 
666 - This is so good that maybe, just maybe…you could catch the eye of SLUDGELORD RECORDS one day…

Being that it’s February, the submissions are really starting to ramp up and are starting to flood our inbox.   Even though the 666 Pack Review is meant to offer humorous critique, there are no safe spaces here and your gripes will be taken with a grain of salt.  THE SLUDGELORD is a picky listener…and doesn’t care what you think of his opinions….

Argonavis, “Passing the Igneous Maw” (Canada) Rating: 2

A soundtrack for the shitty weather

Shepherds Crook, Black Lake” (Trondheim, Norway) Rating: 3

I expect more from Norwegian bands.

Riffcoven, “Crown of Darkness” (Jundiai, Brazil) Rating: 4

Cocktail of Electric Wizard and speed. 

Taarna, “Sanguine Ash” (Portland, USA) Rating: 3

For fans of 3 chord sludge.

Dr. Sludgelove, My Space Odyssey” (Budapest, Hungary) Rating: 5

Hal-9000 meets metal meets noise

Geomancer, Khatt Al-Raml” United Kingdom   Rating: 1

Cookie Monster sings for doom band.