Wednesday, 25 April 2018

6 NEW BANDS: THE SLUDGELORD's 666 Pack Review (April 2018)

By: Nikos Mixas
Art by: Joshua M. Wilkinson

It’s the April edition of THE SLUDGELORD’s 666 PACK REVIEW and because Jesus turned into a zombie for all intents and purposes, we’re going with an undead rating scale this month.  If you’re new to this, each and every month we handpick 6 review submissions and critique them by only using 6 words, then we rate them on a scale from 1 to 666!  Check out this month’s zombified rating scale below: 

1 – Worse than a bunch of zombies eating a handful of Peeps covered in shit.       
2 – Zombified rabbits would consider this excellent music, um…we don’t. 
3 – You’re average, kind of like the movie, “American Zombie.”
4 – You just earned yourself a basket full of fleshy colored jelly beans.  Mmmmm…. zombies love flesh…
5 – Helluva lot better than any of the Rob Zombie or White Zombie albums in existence, that’s for sure. 
666THE SLUDGELORD commends your efforts for thwarting the zombie Jesus with your killer tunes!    

Some of you aren’t paying attention to this part…take notice!  Even though the 666 PACK REVIEW is meant to offer humorous critique, there are no safe spaces here and your gripes will be taken with a grain of salt.  THE SLUDGELORD is a picky listener…and doesn’t care what you think of his opinions….

1). Nervewrecker, “Murmur” (Norwich, England)    Rating: 4

Loud and plodding…Godzilla on downers.

2). Morpholith, “Void Emissions” (Reykjavík, Iceland)   Rating: 666!

Really digging the vocals. Hails Iceland!

3). Mystrionics, “Mystrionics” (Portland, Oregon) Rating: 5

THE SLUDGELORD loves a great curveball! 


4). Cries Of Your Sins, “Cries Of Your Sins” (Czechia) Rating: 5

Single person black metal blistering melodiousness.

5). Godhead Lizard, “Godhead Lizard” (Québec City, Québec)   Rating: 3

Hey Clutch, you’re drunk, go home…

6). Udyat, “Udyat” (Bahía Blanca, Argentina) Rating: 2

Raw…real raw, like REAL raw…