Tuesday 19 June 2018

6 NEW BANDS: THE SLUDGELORD's 666 Pack Review (June 2018)

By: Nikos Mixas
Art by: Joshua M. Wilkinson

It’s the June edition of THE SLUDGELORD’s 666 Pack Review!  This month some of you might be going on vacation or getting sloshed while watching the World Cup but the smart ones are digging in deep at the jam pad/rehearsal studio/garage honing your chops.  We can tell because THE SLUDGELORD’s review submission inbox is constantly full and believe it or not, we really appreciate it.  If you’re new to this, each and every month we handpick 6 review submissions and critique them by only using 6 words, then we rate them on a scale from 1 to 666!  Check out our summer slacker themed rating scale below: 

1 – You’re just like Panama in The World Cup.  You’re inexperienced and just happy to be here.       
2 – Maybe the band should take a collective vacation to figure things out?     
3 – You guys are average, kind of like Russia in The World Cup.  You have potential to be great, but you’re not quite there yet...        
4 – I’d kick back on a beach with an adult beverage in hand and listen to this.      
5 – You’re the musical equivalent of team Brazil.  A perennial beast.  Goooooooooooooooaaaaaaallll!!!
666THE SLUDGELORD awards you The World Cup Trophy for the month of June.  Now go do something vile with it. 

Caveat:  Even though the 666 Pack Review is meant to offer humorous critique, there are no safe spaces here and your gripes will only make you sound like a bellyacher.  THE SLUDGELORD is a picky listener…and doesn’t care what you think of his opinions….

1). Empty Friend, “Saltwater” (London, United Kingdom)    Rating: 2

Did 90’s alternative rock return? Wow…

2). Modok, “Evil/Sea Beast” (Joensuu, Finland)   Rating: 4

Modok eats, breaths and shits doom.

3). Fatima, “Moaner” (Paris, France)   Rating: 5

If Nirvana played doom/shoegaze, it’s this.

4). Magik Black, “Magik Black” (Nizhny Novgorod, Russia)   Rating: 666!

Dumb name but shaddup and listen!

5). Flood Peak, “Plagued by Sufferers” (Portland, U.S.A.)   Rating: 5

Reminds me a bit of Celeste.  Oui!

6). Ingrina, “Etter Lys” (France)   Rating: 666!

Vive la Ingrina! Vive la France!