May
is here and that means a few things are afoot.
Some of you are wrapping up your studies and graduating to join the rest
of us in real life misery…AND…the metal festival season is almost upon us. Some bands are ok with hanging out in their
garage and playing to their drunken friends for gratification, but others
aspire to hopefully tour the world and play the summer metal festival circuit
someday. THE SLUDGELORD can’t make any
promises on the latter, but what we can do is help your band get some free promotion
by submitting your tunes for this monthly column even if you suck! So, if you’re new to this, each and every
month we handpick 6 review submissions and critique them by only using 6 words,
then we rate them on a scale from 1 to 666! Check
out our “May your festival pipe dreams not suck” rating scale below:
1 – Your garage
hates you. Just stop.
2 – Get some
wood, make a stage and steal a couple of lava lamps from a hippie for lighting
effect. This is as close you’ll get to
playing a festival.
3 – You know
that local “promoter” that throws 15 local bands together and calls it a
festival? You’re good enough for
that.
4 – You need to
get out on the road and push your product.
You’ll land a nice regional fest invite for sure.
5 – Wacken Open
Air holds local auditions and the winners get to invited to play this mammoth
festival. You should enter the contest
next year.
666 – THE SLUDGELORD
should organize the sludgiest of all festivals and make you the headliner. Wishful thinking…but…you never know???
Caveat: Even though the “666 Pack Review” is meant to offer humorous critique, there are no
safe spaces here and your gripes will only make you sound like a
bellyacher. THE SLUDGELORD is a picky
listener…and doesn’t care what you think of his opinions….
1).
Kavod
“Wheel
Of Time” (Perugia , Italy
The
comparisons to Om are warranted.
2).
MA-AT
“Find
Evil, Feel Fine” (Cape Town ,
South Africa
Plodding
and muddy. Bad combination indeed…
3).
Black Seal
“SATI”
(Delray Beach , FL
If
Kyuss was ADHD on cocaine.
4).
Inhuman
Nature “Inhuman Nature” (London ,
United Kingdom
Sexy
thrash ala the Bay Area!
5).
Sky Burial
“Sokushinbutsu”
(Amsterdam , Netherlands
Killer
tones, but needs more drugs.
6).
Dead
Sacraments “Celestial Throne” (Chicago Illinois U.S.A.
Maybe
a Dark Lord Day invite?
Band
info: Kavod || MAAT || Black Seal || Inhuman Nature || Dead Sacraments
