Wednesday, 19 August 2020

6 NEW BANDS: THE SLUDGELORD's "666 Pack Review" (June 2020)

By: Nikos Mixas

Every month seems to be a repeat of the previous month, no shows, limited releases and plenty of mask wearing. The “666 Pack Review” could just rehash the same drivel but no…. In fact, we’re going to project a more positive outlook this month.  So, if you’re new to this, each and every month we handpick 6 review submissions and critique them by only using 6 words, then we rate them on a scale from 1 to 666!  Check out our “the future is so bright” rating scale below:  

1 – Your future is so bright, because you’ll quit music altogether after this score. 
2 – Your future is so bright, you scored better than a 1. 
3 – Your future is so bright, because average is the norm of what most music is nowadays.  You’re right on target.
4 – Your future is so bright, Don Dokken is probably finished now and you’re just getting started.  (I just had to fit in a Don Dokken reference in this month somehow. I know it’s a reach, but it worked)      
5 – Your future is so bright, Sunn0))) is jealous of this score. Haha…no?
666 THE SLUDGELORD won’t acknowledge your future being so bright, but a 666 goes a long way as far as bragging rights are concerned on this site. 

Caveat:  Even though the “666 Pack Review” is meant to offer humorous critique, there are no safe spaces here and your gripes will only make you sound like a bellyacher.  THE SLUDGELORD is a picky listener…and doesn’t care what you think of his opinions….

1). King Marm “TRASH” (England, United Kingdom) Rating: 2

I’m not drunk enough for this

2). Wolkberg “Wolkberg” (Pretoria, South Africa) Rating: 3

Robert Fripp with a jumpy drummer.

3). The Choir “A Beautiful Fore Scorch Our Hands” (Singapore) Rating: 3

Early Paradise Lost without any grace.

4). Bloodswamp “Daylight Illuminates A Miserable World” (London, United Kingdom) Rating: 2

This band needs recording lessons STAT.

5). Godless-Mind “Scissions” (Lille, France) Rating: 5

If Perturbator quit edm and chilled.

6). Flesh Temple “Lamentations” (Edmonton, Alberta, Canada) Rating: 3

I can’t get past their name…