Wednesday 22 November 2017

6 NEW BANDS: THE SLUDGELORD'S 666 Pack Review (November 2017)

By: Nikos Mixas
Art: Joshua M. Wilkinson 
Welcome to THE SLUDGELORD’s November installment of the 666 Pack Review!  As the weather continues to cool, we’re turning up the heat every passing month with 6 more victims….errrr…newish bands to review.  Each and every month we handpick 6 review submissions and critique them by only using 6 words, then we rate them on a scale from 1 to 666!  Check out our awesome holiday foods inspired rating scale below:

1 – Do you know what Lutefisk is?  Well, I liken this band to it.  It stinks and it’s intolerable…
2 - Fruitcake.  It’s almost ok to eat.  This band?  It’s almost ok to listen to.   
3 – No matter how you slice it (no pun intended), this band is average, just like turkey.
4 – It’s not the pumpkin pie that does it for me, it’s the whipped cream.  Yes, this band is sweet.
5 – Green bean casserole with toasted onions and mashed potatoes with gravy….mmmm…mmmmm!  You see where I’m going with this???
666! – THE SLUDGELORD loves the tasty riffing, the sweet drumming so much that he’s going back for seconds! 

The 666 Pack Review is meant to offer humorous criticism and is not meant to hurt feelings, however, there are no safe spaces here.  THE SLUDGELORD is a picky listener…and doesn’t care what you think of his opinions….

Dirt War - “Loss” – (Buffalo, USA) Rating: 1

We’re off to a poor start…

Soyuz Bear - “Black Phlegm” (Toulouse, France) Rating: 3

Five seconds in, it’s all EYEHATEGOD.

Obscene - “Sermon to the Snake” (Indianapolis, USA) Rating: 2

Martin Van Drunen sounding sick.  Nope.   

Diuna - “The very best of the Golden Hits” (Torun, Poland) Rating: 3

I present thee…the Polish QOTSA

Apotelesma - Timewrought Kings” (Utrecht, Netherlands) Rating: 3

The “vokills” ruined it for me.

Dumblegore - “Misanthropic Ritual” (New Jersey, USA) Rating: 5

When black metal meets Missing Persons.