Wow!
The “666 Pack review” made it to a new decade and we can affirm without
a doubt that 2020 is going to be even more heartless, demeaning and crass than
the previous years. Why? Because THE SLUDGELORD has the testicular fortitude to say what
other reviewers won’t!!! If you suck,
we’re not going to sugarcoat it. If you
rule, we’re going to make sure everyone knows about it. And if you’re new to this, each and every
month we handpick 6 review submissions and critique them by only using 6 words,
then we rate them on a scale from 1 to 666! Check out our there’s no hope for you this
decade rating scale below:
1 –
You should go bye bye just like 2019 did…
2 –
The good news is that you have a whole decade to get better, the bad news is
that you probably won’t.
3 –
The 2010’s were above average as far as heavy music was concerned. You can do better or take up a real hobby
like review writing instead.
4 – Being one of the first bands
reviewed for this decade, not too shabby so far.
5 –
We feel like you’re setting the bar higher for the new year. Better than sucking.
666 –
THE SLUDGELORD believes you’ll be
mentioned again during December’s best of 2020 write up, excellent job fuckers!
Caveat: Even though the “666 Pack Review” is meant
to offer humorous critique, there are no safe spaces here and your gripes will
only make you sound like a bellyacher. THE SLUDGELORD is a picky listener…and
doesn’t care what you think of his opinions….
Astralborne “Eternity’s
End” (Toledo, OH, U.S.A.) Rating: 3
Possibly
Dethklok’s 7th somewhat talented cousin….
Lamassu “Into
The Empty” (Melbourne, Australia) Rating: 5
Dude
has range like Chris Cornell…
Blasphematory “Depths
of the Obscurity“ (New Jersey, U.S.A.)
Rating: 4
Crude
old school ghoulish death metal.
Lapsarian “Ruminant”
(Washington, D.C., U.S.A.) Rating: 4
Mostly
for fans of “post” anything.
Psychocoven “Black
Magic Rites” (Katowice, Poland) Rating: 3
Bobby
Liebling, are you in here?
Imipolex “Order of The Epimethean Flame” (Portland, ME, U.S.A.) Rating: 5
Chaotic,
grindy blackened death, techy explosions.
