Wednesday 22 January 2020

6 NEW BANDS: THE SLUDGELORD's "666 Pack Review" (January 2020)

By: Nikos Mixas

Wow! The “666 Pack review” made it to a new decade and we can affirm without a doubt that 2020 is going to be even more heartless, demeaning and crass than the previous years. Why? Because THE SLUDGELORD has the testicular fortitude to say what other reviewers won’t!!!  If you suck, we’re not going to sugarcoat it.  If you rule, we’re going to make sure everyone knows about it.  And if you’re new to this, each and every month we handpick 6 review submissions and critique them by only using 6 words, then we rate them on a scale from 1 to 666!  Check out our there’s no hope for you this decade rating scale below: 

1 – You should go bye bye just like 2019 did…
2 – The good news is that you have a whole decade to get better, the bad news is that you probably won’t.  
3 – The 2010’s were above average as far as heavy music was concerned.  You can do better or take up a real hobby like review writing instead.
4 – Being one of the first bands reviewed for this decade, not too shabby so far.       
5 – We feel like you’re setting the bar higher for the new year.  Better than sucking.     
666 THE SLUDGELORD believes you’ll be mentioned again during December’s best of 2020 write up, excellent job fuckers!

Caveat:  Even though the “666 Pack Review” is meant to offer humorous critique, there are no safe spaces here and your gripes will only make you sound like a bellyacher.  THE SLUDGELORD is a picky listener…and doesn’t care what you think of his opinions….

Astralborne “Eternity’s End” (Toledo, OH, U.S.A.)    Rating: 3

Possibly Dethklok’s 7th somewhat talented cousin…. 

Lamassu “Into The Empty” (Melbourne, Australia)   Rating: 5

Dude has range like Chris Cornell…

Blasphematory “Depths of the Obscurity“ (New Jersey, U.S.A.)   Rating: 4

Crude old school ghoulish death metal.  

Lapsarian “Ruminant” (Washington, D.C., U.S.A.)   Rating: 4

Mostly for fans of “post” anything.

Psychocoven “Black Magic Rites” (Katowice, Poland)  Rating: 3

Bobby Liebling, are you in here?  

Imipolex “Order of The Epimethean Flame” (Portland, ME, U.S.A.)   Rating: 5

Chaotic, grindy blackened death, techy explosions.